High Light, Dark Night

Found the palm-sized music box she sent me, toyed with the lever, twisting it round clock-wise, just like she said. It was bells and the Beatles. The door was ajar, and my fingers were embarrassed, but in the way you accidentally do something cute on the subway and secretly hope all those people you will never meet are watching.



Looked for the beautiful flower he grew me, that I’d pressed- in spite of all the heartaches are regrets- between books. My hands came back up through the rubble empty.

I kissed her in March. What did that mean? Freckles. Scared of breaking everything apart.
-What are you most afraid of?
-Fear.



Is someone without thoughts alive? Were these characters ever really birthed? What irresponsible authors!
A day ago, I was so drawn to my desk to write these things down. I could not wait to hand in a sheaf of papers, to see her unsmiling eyes draw in these words as if breathing. But:
Death, is nothingness and to humans, can never be known. But, in that the heimlich of death is birth- the process of coming from nothingness, experiencing birth (both technical and figurative) is the closest that any human can get to becoming dead without becoming dead.

I suspect I am talking nonsense. The only thing we know is that we know nothing. Thanks, Socrates. If you were here, I’d share the juice. That statue would have been prettier with the both of us.

“For the purposes of this paper, I am breaking down the fourth wall.” I’m writing a paper that is a meta-discourse on itself. I’m lost in this hypocrisy of loathing and wielding hammers and sticks and- god, I am aching for you so much I can’t think. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I try not to get lost in those who will lose me. No wristwatches, no mountains- it’s straight back to high-school these days. Trading secret smiles across the science classroom and everything too shy-making. I won’t tell, I can’t tell. I can see freckles in your eyes up close.



One of the boys who told me he loved me- years ago, now- says, today, I went to the zoo.
-How was it?
-Everything was asleep.



As in my heart.